December 5, 2007

As mentioned at Rock, Paper, Shotgun there’s finally a patch for Bioshock out and as mentioned in an earlier post I conveniently decided to give it another shot.

The first time I tried playing it, my old system couldn’t deliver all the graphical goodies so I thought I might be missing out. “Maybe”, I thought “if it looks better graphically, it will overcome my inherent dislike of the entire horror-genre!”. Well although I haven’t applied the dandy new patch yet I’m sorry, and not overly surprised to say that better graphics really just can’t make up for the failing of an entire genre. That’s right, an entire genre.


With me there are a few things that are automatic losers. These things include zombies, undead things, homicidally insane monsters, people who talk too much and large mutant ape things on tropical islands. Hate. Hate. Hate those things. Bioshock fits squarely in the “homicidally insane monsters” category to the point that it’s borderline retarded. As I said in my previous post on the topic, I knew I was on shakey ground as soon as the elevator landed me in Rapture and I saw some monstery Gollum sounding thing kill a man outside the porthole I was forced to look out of. Yes it was clausterphobic and scary. Yes, for what it was it was very well done. No, I just don’t like that crap. I don’t find it “too scary” and no it doesn’t keep me up at night with bad dreams. I’m 38, I’ve seen scarier stuff than Bioshock in my daily life. I just find it inane, and silly.

An example is those stupid syringe things. I mean really, the main character finds himself in a plane crash and whisked away to this mysterious underwater city where very early on he sees some pretty horrific things. It’s very clear things aren’t quite right down there, yet upon finding a strange syringe full of some mystery fluid out intrepid hero promptly slams the needle into his wrist and injects this crap into his system. The game doesn’t even give the user an option. Once you pick the thing up the cut scene starts and for reasons beyond comprehension (but well within convenient the domain of convenient plot nonsense) he sticks himself. Yeah, that’s what I’d do alright. No question about it.

It’s inane. Really.

So, despite the spiffy new machine and maxed out high-res graphics… for me, Bioshock has a bad case of Biosuck. On the plus side, I won’t have to bother applying that new patch I guess.



  1. Hey i really liked your piece on Cod4 v Crysis, it was a mature and well thought out document. I think you would do well in your blog if you were to carry on in this manner rather than just stating your likes and dislikes because to be honest noone is really interested.

    I dont mean to be rude but what interest does this piece on Bioshock really hold for the reader… bugger all!, a review would have been more useful or better still some social commentary on the fascination in the genre or sumsuch.

    Keep up the good (new) work, Jonah

    PS feel free to delete this comment as it really doesnt have much to do with this article 😉

  2. Nope, no deletion here and I appreciate the comment. I’m still sorting out what sort of voice to use here and by that I mean a writing style, and angle. Thanks for your input. 🙂

  3. Just thought you might like to know that everything is explained in the bioshock story, right down to why a man might be prepared to jam a needle into his arm without any thought about it. Its a very well thought out game, you dont have to like but I thought id let u know many of the little things are explained.

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